Massive downer on playing live yesterday. It's hard, y'know. Not just because of the music. It's so difficult to just get out there.
I'm not built for it. Humping gear when you have CP is a no-go. Standing on stage often just doesn't work. Venues often have poor access. The list goes on.
The venues thing is a big problem. Most places are accessible to punters. That doesn't mean the places you need to be as a performer are. Last year, I played at an open air event. All nice and easy to get around, until I got backstage. The stage was about six five feet high from the ground; performers were climbing a bit of scaffolding to get on and off the stage. It sucked. It was fucking embarrassingly difficult. Climbing shit is not a good look for me.
Everywhere I play there is some kind of problem. As long as the public accessibility is okay, I don't think anybody cares. Not surprising; when was the last time you saw a disabled person playing a gig? I don't presume for one second I'm the only person doing it, of course, just that, well, you don't see many of us about.
I'm about ready to give up. Seriously. Then, this morning I get an email about a disability issue; specifically one I'm affected by. I can't go into detail yet, but it could be a big deal. That's when I'm reminded; I have to keep doing it, as in I have to go out there and be seen to be doing it. It's too important. I may well die trying, but I have to keep trying. In this context, it's not even about music, it's about being visible.
Visible, and (just about) able.
